I was once staring at a candle trying to light up a little circle around her. Beautiful it did seem but more so I felt I am looking into a mirror. I am not trying to be poetic [more precisely ‘shaayarana’] and get into the ‘shama-parvaana’ syndrome, but I am trying to look into myself as a passionate, vulnerable, volatile and flammable soul which might not just light up something but might as well just burn something up.
I do feel that very often. I feel the heat, the fire, the burning within me. Sometimes this flame stands head held high struggling with the heavy wind....I see it reaching a point of dying and suddenly brightening up. Sometimes I see it serene, content and divine and sometimes it is just full of anger wanting to kill everything that makes it shake.
I want to fuel it with every tear wanting to roll down my eyes...every smile that sees my lips...every lump in my throat...each moment of disappointment...each moment of ecstasy and every moment of rage. I want to keep in burning with every breath I take. I want to fight the winds who try to kill it...and I want to love every breeze that gives it a pat on the back. I seek every darkness that needs it....every vice that needs to be burnt. I fear each moment which might turn it into a fire and burn my hands and those of my loved ones. I fear it becoming my own fright.
I want to shield it. I want it throw itself in the crazy wind. I want it to grow brighter when the eyes can’t see and just go dim when there isn’t much to see. I want it to sometimes be just negligible and not assert its presence and sometimes I want it to just burn down things that come in its way...
I want it to light me up....and all around me...I want it to just keep burning.....
