Hell!!! I was on verge of hysteria this morning. I felt like yelling. I felt like throwing things all over. I just felt like jumping out of the window. Nah….nah….no one broke my heart. No one snatched any of my sparkling career opportunities… [There are none to be snatched by the way] No one did nothing….The hysteric fit was a culmination of a struggle to bathe my one and half year old daughter. She has suddenly understood the meaning of Bapuji’s work. NON CO-OPERATION at it’s best!!! [Bandee main hai dum vande mataram...kisine theek kahaa hai!!:J] She did not let me touch her. Undressing her and getting her drenched was like a dream. I tried all ways. Child psychology, Hitler, Darwin, every damn legend in the history of human race, but in vain. Every time I went anywhere close to her, she grabbed her Noddy..[Do u believe in soul mates? THAT is what Noddy is for her,,, until she comes to an age, where he needs to be replaced by a homo-sapien I hope!!] Eureka! I got it. I pounced at her sweetheart and hid him behind me. She screamed, protested. And now I was victorious. ‘You kiddo! You want him? Sit right in front of me. Let me oil you and let me just get you bathed!! THEN you get your Noddy’ And! It worked. I was done with it within next 10 minutes. I got back to work and she started romancing with Noddy.
BINGO!!I was pleased with myself. My phone rang. A very dear friend at the other end. We broke into a discussion [I like this word…..’I fought with him’ sounds so childish eh??? Nah…’I was ‘discussing’ a few serious issues’. Sounds apt] At one point he said ‘You know what your problem is? You just expect too much. Get over expectations. You will be more at peace’ I managed to save my ego by coming up a flashy argument and I hung up. But I sat there wondering if what he said did make sense.
Yes…it did,,,I indeed expect too much. From myself, from my work, from my maid, from my mother, from my husband, from everyone who walks in and out of my life, from my car, from my i-pod, from my cell-phone, from my laptop, from EVERY DAMN thing in and around me. And how should I NOT do it? I am taught to live that way, I am taught by life to live it that way. And THAT’S what I am teaching my daughter. ‘Give something if you want something. Let me bathe you if you want your Noddy back’. This barter system has crept in her life at that young an age.
How do I now get this out of me? When I give, how will I not want back? When I invest, why and how do I not look for returns?
Do we really don’t expect? Are we all not sustaining on this game of give and take. We let go for the one we love, true. But don’t we do it hoping that he will let go for us sometime? We surrender, yes we do, but is it not with a want that he will surrender someday? We pray with all heart and soul, but don’t we do it to get the returns we feel the almighty might give us?
And if we don’t expect, will we still hope? If we don’t hope, will we still dream? If we don’t dream, will we still live? We will survive, can we live? Expectations come with pain. It’s because very rarely they are met with. But can we really feel the happiness that may come without feeling any pain ever?
As I post this blog, there sure are few comments I expect. Few people who I know will read it and if they don’t either read or comment, I will feel bad. And I await this pain and this disappointment. Because that will give me the strength to feel the happiness if at all I get the comments.
Meera loved Krishna in spite of knowing that her love will never be returned or reciprocated. And she created works which possess us centuries later. Had she not felt the pain? Had she not suffered? Did she really not EXPECT? And if that’s what I should get convinced with, I am compelled to say, ‘Meera IS a myth....
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7 comments:
(well...you're not gonna feel bad that's for sure!)
i guess even Meera knew that she was being all noble and 'morally correct' which by the way i'm sure she expected everyone to understand....and BAM! here we are centuries later....all praises for Meera!!
Even Buddha expected people to understand when he said "expectation is the cause of all the pain n sorrow"
ummmm....(as you would've put it)... I don't think there's any such word as sefless... elfsless...lesselfs.... nope!!:-)
brilliant put girrlll...yes...expectations is the root cause of our downfall !!! Can we put an end to it ? I think it's a perception. For people, who say YES, they think they've dunnit, cuz its not as much as not expecting, but its more of supressing yourself to such an extent, that your once dynamic self is not as static as ever. Expectation is the essence of the human kind, but needs to be restrained. I would say expect from people / things you know would always reciprocate, to prevent the pain, for ex, a pet dog !!!! But then, the counter argument is, "What's life without pain?"
Your last line says it all Ajay;;THATS exactly what i mean...and this is for the first time ur comment speaks about if u have LIKED it or not!! ha ha ha...:):):) made my day..
And Sam.....am glad u got the essence of it atTHAT young an age..:):)
Meera is got to be a myth Vibha! Think about it. She epitomises how you SHOULD feel....selflessly GIVE....expecting NOTHING in return.. She has all the ingrediants needed in a fable that teaches mankind the goodness, righteousness...
Its just a way in which we have chosen to define ideals.. Ram- an ideal king, Krishna- an ideal diplomat, Shravan- an ideal son...
No one - and by no one I mean no human - can ever be all that! Because all that is 'IDEAL', as it should be, in black and white! The right end of the spectrum! And the sole reason for defining it is that, we - simple beings - would know where the golden middle might be! I think its never about not expecting, its about not ONLY expecting!
Expecting is expectation by itself…well it would be a dream come true if there is a situation of ‘0’ expectations…there is a ‘saying what goes comes back’…when how why - will that really matter…why invest where there are no returns…do you think it really works that way…you invest and there is a return…now how much again isn’t that relative…how much is too much is a question that really doesn’t have answer in black and white…then why should there be answer to expectations…its is a vicious circle…I don’t know much about Meera and her love for Krishna but what I do know is love someone cause you need to and not cause you want to be loved back…that’s how thighs get easier…no pain no gain is fine yet again how much is too much…so chill girl its ok to expect…but don’t forget there might be someone who expects that you wouldn’t expect…
u know Aditi, about Meera..I feel she must have been considered a neurotic in her times..hallucinating all the time..:):)i agree with what u say..but we all tend to simplify things..so as not to get affected....can it really become that simple?
Now Meera did not die of dissappointment because she could not attain Krishna, right? She loved him for the sake of it and not expecting him to come to her one fine day...
Zero expectation is maybe an ideal which us imperfect humans may not be able to achieve ever but minimizing certainly helps... like for example if I accept the little imperfections that a loved one has for the simple reason that no one can be perfect, I guesss I can make life better for both of us...
I think I would like to disagree with Samyogita, I bet Buddha wouldn't have been upset if people did not understand his sayings. He just thought it was his duty to share his wisdom and he found his happiness in sharing it and not every human being understanding it and following it...
So the joy should be in our action itself and not in the outcome (which might vary). This would require an entire blog to elaborate!!!
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